Cosmic Question

I am basically a very intense person. I feel every emotion in superlatives. I don’t have any negative emotions like hatred, revenge, etc. But I feel emotions like hurt, betrayal, pain. So when I like someone, I, as a matter of fact, love them. When love someone, I adore them. When I believe someone, I trust them. And when I do that I become absolutely vulnerable in front of them, tell them everything about my life, become absolutely transparent. Okay, I don’t think it’s a good way to be with others. But I also don’t want to change myself – because if you are closed they are going to be the same way with you. You definitely don’t meet people and fall in love with their personalities that way. Only once you have opened up, do other people open up to you. As they say – Love begets Love. Now opening up to others is risky – many times people will judge you for the things you have told them trustingly. But that’s the only way to know those you can count on and those you cannot.

Coming to the point of this blog, I was feeling very upset today. I was talking to a friend last night. He’s someone I have become friends with only recently, but whom I like immensely. And due to life’s situation, we are apart by a few thousand miles now, forcing us again to go back to being ‘online’ friends, like most of my closest friends are. After talking with him, I realized that perhaps I’ll never be able to live close to the people I really like.

For example, after living in Lincoln, NE for 3 years now I, finally, have a comfortable friend circle. By that I mean that I know about the people I have come across here: people I can trust blindly, people who are my friends but whom I cannot count on, people who are there only in the good times, people who I should not have spent time on trying to be friends with etc. So now I have a good estimate of my surroundings…

But soon I’ll have to go away from this and form new relationships. As everyone keeps telling me, I’ll of course meet interesting people, meet people I will like and eventually become friends with. But it takes time.. And, may be, by the time I have new connections, it will be time for me to move again. I know this because this has been my life since i graduated college. And I don’t see how that is going to change for a long time. I am sure I am not the only one in such a situation right now. And I don’t know if it bothers anyone else at all, or why it bothers me this much..

I like to think myself as a globe-trotter. Just the thought of settling down at one place makes me cringe thinking that I will miss out on so much of life. In fact, I was so excited about getting to move away from Lincoln initially, and partially I still am. But the mere thought that I’ll perhaps never have a ‘root‘ like my parents did, or some of my friends have kind of scares me..

So I wanted to ask you, my readers, have any of you come across such a situation before? Felt like this ever? If yes, what did you do about it? And how do you feel about the situation looking back from now?

P.S. ‘online friends’, ‘cosmic question’ yes I’m talking like Kathleen Kelly 😀 She’s my favorite movie character of all times ❤


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