I envy Heath Ledger


I am running on a strange clock. When people ask me when I got this bug, if I was traveling and got jet lagged then I laugh inside. I reply ‘No, may be I just stayed up late one night and from there… ‘. But deep down they know me, they know how disorganized I am and that is not something I am proud of…

So one weekday night I suddenly planned to get back into schedule. I went to sleep early hoping I will get up early, best at 7:00am, and start living life like a regular person. But fate had different plans… there was a thunderstorm at night (being in Nebraska that’s not uncommon) and the sound woke me up at 3:00am (how rare is that… I pride myself on being the heaviest sleeper in the world, a fact that my friends and family will be more than happy to confirm).

So unlike my nature, I woke up at 3:00 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I thought about working or reading a book… but my darling MacBook Air was right next to me.., and I try to use it at every opportunity I get. So I went to, where else, YouTube. I browsed through a few of my subscribed channels and finally decided to watch a movie. Recently single and thoroughly disappointed with the men of my race, I have been considering interracial dating and this movie ‘Blind Dating’ attracted me naturally. Don’t watch it… no matter how cute Chris Pine looks ignore that movie… even though it’s available for free on YouTube, please save your sanity and a few minutes of your time… So yeah, it was unwatchable and still I was not sleepy. So what else was available for free? One of them was ’10 Things I hate about You’. Now I had heard good things about the movie from many people. But who watches a teenage chick flick which takes place in high school? Also I hate to admit it but I never liked Heath Ledger much. Specially since he died due to drug overdose. Although I admire his acting skills and all, and ‘The Dark Knight’ is one of my favorite movies of all times, but I have always been a supporter of the underdog – just because he was already so popular made me cringe. Also I always thought his death gave him unfair publicity. Anyways, at 4:00am in the morning it’s better to watch a teenage movie that you have heard good reviews about than watch something like Blind Dating once again. So I relented. Oh and what a movie it was! I mean it takes place in a high school! It’s based on Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew!! Who would have thought this movie will have two totally strong and individualistic characters?! I loved the movie. You see, it was all a conspiracy, I had to go to sleep early, there had to be a thunderstorm, I had to wake up at 3:00am, go through the torturous Blind Dating, and I had to watch this movie and fall deeply in love with the movie, with the characters (Kat & Pat). I am not very proud to admit it (I’m on the other side of 25 and I should be busy completing my Master’s thesis right now) but I have watched the movie 2 more times since then….

I’m also doing this #100happydays thing on Instagram where you find out one thing you were really happy about that day, and of course the character of Pat and the hopes of finding one like him in real life made me really happy. So again, unlike my character I posted a photo of him from that movie on my Instagram. I would never do that unless it was the #100happydays stuff and guess what… I got 10 more followers and crossed 100 followers on Instagram and that photo of him is the most liked photo of all times on my Instagram (makes me kind of irritated that a simple Google search and stolen pic can do that when no one notices when I spend hours trying to capture good photos to post there). But that’s beside the point… It’s more deep or weird or childish (as you prefer to call it)..

Since I was very young I have always been obsessed with dying young… and dying violently… I want to die in a car crash… a violent car crash and not die immediately… anyways, that’s kind of morbid. I always wanted that and frankly I still do… Let alone anybody else, I myself never understood my obsession. It was never about dying young solely, because I also fancy getting a terminal disease. I mean no disrespect to anyone who is suffering or someone who lost a dear one. I feel if I know that my time on earth is limited I will be able to live my life more fully. But that is stuff for a different post.

Now the problem is I envy Heath Ledger. To know his popularity you just need to go on Instagram and look at how many profiles are there on his name, where people post only his photos time and again, again and again. I mean you can always do a Google search and be overwhelmed, or you can just turn your head and ask the person sitting right next to you what they think about Heath Ledger. I mean ask the next stranger on the road now, and I kind of know what you’ll hear – something on the lines of ‘What a talent wasted for eternity!’.

His youth, his talent captured in time… he will always be good-looking, he will always be talented… he will never grow old, never lose all his hair…. never wear a hideous piece of clothing again or commit a fashion faux pas.. He will never abuse paparazzi again or behave badly with someone.. more importantly, he will never act in a bad movie again, or even give a poor performance in a good movie, his talent will never die… He will always be young and beautiful and talented… People will always mourn his loss from this world.. and he will be forever etched positively in our memory… I’m jealous!

P.S. It is meant as a light-hearted comic post. Please don’t take it seriously. No disrespect to anybody intended.


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