I watched “O Kadhal Kanmani”


!! my most favorite scene and shot from the movie !!

Yes! I watched a Tamil movie, myself, without anyone forcing me to watch it. Thinking about it, it’s not that strange so as to make a headline. Being a huge movie buff, I like to watch all movies, irrespective of their language. I just don’t prefer watching movies in foreign languages that much because I often find myself paying more attention to reading the subtitles than feeling the emotions. I have watched more western foreign language movies than foreign language Indian regional cinema by myself, so I thought I can make it a big deal.

I my opinion, one of the best feelings in life is when you realize that the one you love completely, loves you back the exact same way. This movie is about that. It was a simple story: Adi, a happy-go-lucky game-designer, bumps into Tara, a bubbly architect at their friend’s wedding. They started talking in sign language during the wedding (which was annoying, but I guess Mani) and find out that they have a lot of things in common, the most striking one being they both hate marriage. Adi being a boy needs no explanation to Indian movie goers for his beliefs. But Tara being a girl needs one, and it is because her father left them when she was young.

Now Adi wants to go to USA for advancing his career and Tara is moving to Paris for higher studies. So they both know there is no future to their relationship. So they casually flirt for a while, and then very soon they move in together for a live-in relationship. The movie was sometimes too simple – the main protagonists convince an elderly couple to let them live as paying guests for a live-in relationship in Mumbai, by singing some Classical Tamil song.

The most romantic part of the movie was perhaps the relationship between the old couple. I have always had very bad memory, so much so that I would sit blankly when my friends would discuss any incident in school or college that was not related to me. I even forget things and incident that did not involve me in any way.  always used to tell all my friends that I have a “memory like a sieve”. And when I watched Still Alice, I was convinced that I am going to get Alzheimer’s disease when I grow old and I am pretty sure I will no have someone to take of me. Anyways, through the slit on the open doors the young couple observe the old couple and learn that love is not only about the fun and frolic but it is more than that. Love is about genuine affection and commitment to each other. What I like most about the movie is that how the couple’s ask each other clarifying questions and then they answer those questions “truthfully” in the context of the movie. In my experience, it is hard to ask difficult questions, especially in a relationship. It is easier to assume and reach a conclusion, sometimes a decision; or to put things in the back of your mind, and ignore it completely.

The soundtrack of the movie was beautiful, even though I don’t understand the language! It was so beautiful that even the translation seemed nice. I am also a big fan of the cinematography. Overall, it was a nice movie to watch curled up in covers, sitting at home, bonus it was on Netflix. It was a feel good movie so if you are asking for in depth character analysis or something deep and thoughtful, then this movie may not make you happy.  Overall, I enjoyed watching this movie.


Something Fishy


I grew up in a suburban area near the big city of Kolkata, India. Even though the area was not rural, we had several big ponds surrounding our neighborhood, which is unlike any of my friends who grew up in the city. I hear now from my parents that the ponds no longer exist as the area has been claimed by the ever growing concrete jungle. This makes me sad, specially for there were so many anglers in that place.

On our Summer and Winter vacations, me and my little sister would go for walks around those ponds. Often we would find one or two anglers sitting at distance, their fish rods resting beside them with the fish hooks dipped in the water of the pond, smoking a bidi. Interestingly, according to Google bidi is “a small, thin, hand-rolled cigarette imported to the United States, primarily from India and other Southeast Asian countries. They comprise tobacco wrapped in a tendu or temburni leaf (plants native to Asia) and may be secured with a colorful string at one or both ends”. Google makes it sound like such a novelty! Anyways, these ponds would be filled with fish. I don’t think anyone would cultivate fish there, they just had a lot of fish specially charapona. The kakus (uncles in Bengali), as we would call them would have a vessels beside them which would contain fishes that they had caught over the course of the afternoon. Me and my sister would pester them to give us a fish so that we could keep them as pets. The kakus would be so nice and would actually give us a fish to keep.

We would hurry back home, get a vessel and then carry the fish back home. We would wash a huge Horlicks jar and fill it with water and keep the fish there. We would make tiny balls from bread or flour and feed the fish. Some of the fish, confined in a small jar and already injured from the inhumane fish hook, would survive for a week or two, but most would die in a couple of days. Then me and my sister would cry bucket of tears and my parents would have to console us. Growing up, this became a routine. My mom was frustrated with the whole drama and she forbade us to get any more fishes. But we kept doing it over many years.

I distinctly remember one such incident – once again we sisters had convinced one unassuming kaku to give us a tiny little fish that he caught. We were happily carrying the fish, but as soon as we came near our house suddenly it dawned on us how angry our mom would be to find us getting another fish. We were really scared and with our childish aka horrible decision making, we dropped the fish in an open drain (yes India!) near our house, thinking it will swim back to the pond. As soon as we dropped the fish, we noticed that it was having some difficulty navigating the dirty filthy water of the drain. Extremely worried, we decided to pick up the fish and take it home even if mom was furious. Now selfishly, I made my little sister pick up the fish from the drain, even though she was two years younger than me. I know I know I get to hear about this every time we fight on anything, so you don’t have to remind me I was evil. In my defense, I was myself a child.

We got that fish home and got a little scolding from mom, not too much, we were happily sitting at home, staring at the jar for around one or two hours… but every interesting story needs a villain. So while I was making my sister take the fish out of the drain, our house maid was going to fetch something from somewhere. She observed the whole thing. Instead of telling us anything, she came back after two hours and told my mom what had happened and oh! the scolding we got. I remember she actually beat us with rulers 😛 Oh the kids nowadays, they will never know the age when parents actually beat their kids to discipline them!

Our love for pets started with our dad being such a huge animal lover. We are told that as a kid growing up in rural Bihar, he had a mini “zoo” of domestic animals at his house. He had a cow, three dogs, rabbits, parrots and what not. In fact, he encouraged us to get our own “zoo” growing up – we had many cats, a cute dog, several birds and often the baby squirrels that fell down from their nest on the coconut tree right beside our house. And we had these fishes which we brought in from time to time.

As a child I was fascinated with aquariums and there would be ones to get fascinated about; I remember one which had a treasure chest and the lid would open and close with some hydraulic action; the bubbles coming out of the water from a treasure hunt scene with lots of skulls, sunken ships with rusted edges… and the most awesome things were the colorful fishes of different shapes and sizes… the world of aquariums would be so fascinating! I remember of all my father’s brothers I had a favorite uncle, because they had an aquarium at their home. I was intrigued not only by the fishes but also the wiggly live worms, stored in a dark corner under the staircase, that they used to feed the fish.

Even as an adult I was fascinated with fish tanks – I would selectively go to restaurants that have tank displays, I would watch the TV shows Tanked and Fish Tank Kings for hours, I would even go to the pet stores just to look at the fishes (and other cute animals). But interestingly enough, I considered getting dogs and cats but never considered getting a fish tank for a long time – in fact until, I got my pet hamster Montu and saw how enriching being a single pet parent was. It keeps you occupied – you are caring about some small life that depends on you, it makes you responsible, you have reasons to leave work and go back home early, you have something interesting to do all by yourself, and specially in the case of Montu, we had a bond that only we shared.

However, in grad school keeping multiple pets was not really feasible, so even though I toyed with the idea, it never materialized. Then I helped a couple of friends set up their fish tanks and I wanted fish tanks bad. I obsessed over youtube channels on fish keeping – my idea of fishkeeping had advanced so much from Horlicks jars and worm feeds! There was a point when I wanted to grow all live plants in my tank so I researched and researched on that. Seemed too much work but eh! if you want something, you do it right 😉

When Montu died and I was left with her 20 gallon horizontal habitat. I didn’t want to get another hamster, because you get too attached and then they don’t live that long. However, a 20 gallon tank  looked like a lot of responsibility – so far the past one and a half years, I had been considering the idea, dropping it and reconsidering many times. I almost got a smaller tank many times but then held back because the fishes I wanted to get and the plants I wanted to grow are difficult in a small space. So I waited.

This birthday my friends surprised me with a fish tank gift and I knew the time was now. So two months after my birthday I finally set up my fish tank. It was great that my sister was with me over the holidays and we set it up together as a project. The tank is 20 gallons horizontal and it doesn’t have any live plants yet… I will grow them a little slowly, starting with small simple ones… but I already have 10 fishes in there, two of which I introduced just yesterday. So far I have two Red Tuxedo Guppy, four Red WagTail Platy, two Sunburst Platy and two Spotted Cory Cat fish. The guppies were the first one to get in the tank, they are really feisty and make my tank so interesting. The corys are the last ones introduced. I have always wanted to get these since I first laid my eyes on them –  they are not much of a looker to most people, especially to my sister. But they have amazing dog like personalities and are so playful. I also love my platys, they have amazing bright colors and seem like a bunch of really hardy fish. However, I would like to go through a complete nitrogen cycle and water change and check how the fishes are doing.

I can have another ten fishes in my tank and eventually I plan to introduce the fishes I have always wanted, a school of Neon or Cardinal Tetras. That’s specifically why I wanted a 20 gallon horizontal as I’m sure I would just love to see how the school navigates through the length of the tank. I’m so excited about the future of my tank!!!

photo courtesy: Google


Life after a stolen camera and a shattered iPhone screen

In Summer 2013, I went back to visit India after almost two years of being here in the USA. I took a five week long break. I have a friend in Zurich, so my plan was to visit Europe for around two weeks and then visit Kolkata. I started from Lincoln on 3 May 2013, spent twelve days in four different cities in Europe, reached India and spent three beautiful weeks there and finally it was time for me to come back to Lincoln. This post is not about what happened during the trip (many friends wanted me to write about that, and may be I will eventually) but about what happened when I was coming back.

I didn’t have much money when I was buying the tickets. Additionally, I was going to Europe and I wanted to save up for that. So I searched on kayak.com for several days and then booked the cheapest flight I could find in a few weeks time. I did not pay any attention to the ticket details except for the airports and ended up making a big folly – I had not paid any attention to the layover times at the different airports which, while travelling,  I learnt , in the hard way, is one of the most important things to do when buying long distance flight tickets. For starters I had five hour, eight hour and twelve hour long layovers in Mumbai, Frankfurt and Chicago respectively while coming back. Can it get any worse? When I was going through these layovers I was ready to pay twice of what I had originally paid for the ticket just to cut my journey short by a few hours. sigh!

The twelve days that I had spent in Europe I was carrying two backpacks on me – one on the front and one on the back. So I thought I had more than sufficient experience in carrying luggage around. But I was not! I was coming back from India with bags heavier than the ones I had carried into the country (so much shopping! so many gifts both from and for people!). And clearly the journey ahead scared me and I did not have much to look forward to this time except meeting Montu after such a long time. But even that would take more that forty plus hours. I was fatigued even before the journey actually begun, this led to me being subconsciously careless.

I was allowed only one check in luggage in the domestic flight from Kolkata to Mumbai. So I had a big trolley bag and a huge backpack on me. However when I came to the international airport in Mumbai I was informed that I could have two check in bags for the international flight. Looking at the very long journey ahead I decided on the spur-of-the-moment to deposit both my bags into the check in. I just had a sling bag on me now with my passport, flight tickets, phone and a chapstick and was feeling super light and free. However, not even half an hour had passed since depositing the bags, I realized that My luggage was through till Chicago O’Hare and I was clueless how I would spend the long eight hours in Frankfurt without having either a book, a computer or a camera with me. So I requested the ground crew for Lufthansa to bring back my backpack so I could take out some essentials and keep them with me.

I had to wait for a long time but eventually they brought out my bags and happily I took out my laptop and a book to read. I had a spare small backpack in my luggage so I took that out and put my things in it. I stopped and thought for a moment if I should also have my camera with me but I had my phone with me and since I would be staying mostly within the airports there was no point in carrying another lens around with me. In retrospect I think that was a bad decision.

I think this is the right place to mention the background of the camera and the book. Both were very special and strangely, both of them were gifts. The book was ‘Bibhutibhushan Rachanasamagra’ written by Bibhutibhushan Bandopadhyay, a very renowned Bengali novelist. It was gifted to me by my cousin, Riya, on my birthday in the year 1995. And it contained one of my most favorite novels of all times – ‘Chander Pahar‘ (Mountain of the Moon), a novel which had instilled in me the desire to travel around the world at a very early age.  It was an important book which I had found at home after searching the book shelves for it for a long time. I wanted to bring it back with me and add it to my book collection here in the states.

The camera on the other hand was given to me by my dearest friend SR at a very crucial time – in 2011 when I had just come here. He, being my closest friend, knew the thing I would need most in a new city, in a new country, where I hardly knew anyone. And frankly without that green camera with me this blog wouldn’t have survived this long. More than the camera I valued the beautiful gesture. And I think if you have been reading for this long then you know that this post is about how I lost both while coming back!

The five hours at the Mumbai airport were uneventful. It was for the first time I was at the departure facilities of the Mumbai international airport and it was pretty good in the sense that there were lots of entertainment options – lots of restaurants, lots of spas, lots of fancy shopping places. But I was utterly disappointed with the internet and phone services there. I needed a calling card for my phone as my domestic service provider did not seem to work in that region and none of the stores seem to have any. Finally I had to pay extra  to get one.

After the long wait I found out that I had a window seat in the flight to Frankfurt and there were two elderly couple sitting beside me who were not at all interested in any kind of small talk. But it was night and I didn’t mind that much. I started watching The Guilt Trip on the flight and fell asleep before I completed it.

I woke up early as I remembered from the time when I was first flying to the States that I absolutely loved looking down below at the European countryside when the plane was flying above it. It’s like one of the scenes from a fairy tale book. We reached the Frankfurt airport early in the morning. The rest of the eight hour long layover was spent visiting the gifts shops and scanning the perfume section of the duty free shops in the airport looking for a new signature perfume. I liked many but couldn’t decide on one. But that’s a different story all together.

But the thing I enjoyed most doing was – reading ‘Chander Pahar’ again! I almost relived my entire childhood in the pages of that novel. The novel had thirteen chapters and I was on the verge of completing the twelfth chapter when the flight to Chicago was announced. I was tired after a long day and needed to take a nap. But I also wanted to read the last chapter of the book before I reached Chicago. So I put everything on the overhead luggage space, except my book. I put it in the pocket right before me where the manuals with safety instructions etc. are kept. After an uneventful flight when I finally unboarded the plane I forgot to bring the book down with me.

I went through the entire immigration procedure and baggage claim before I remembered that I had forgotten to bring the book with me. As soon as I remembered I contact the ground crew of Lufthansa and told them my seat number and where I had lost the book. At that time I thought they were helpful as they called the cleaning crew and asked about the book and stuff. But they told me they could not find it. And they totally refused to give me a complaint number or reference number for my lost book. They just gave me a number for Lufthansa Lost & Found which I have called several times since then but no one has ever picked up.

I was too morose about the loss of my book and I totally resented how I remembered it exactly 20 minutes after coming out of the plane and not 20 seconds before leaving it. I decided that it was just wrong to want to bring the book all the way here, specially when the book itself was so precious. And I blamed myself and sulked uncontrollably. I was so lost about losing the book that it did not cross my mind to check the backpack which was checked in with the flight without any locks on it.

From Chicago I had to take a bus ride to come to Omaha and then an acquaintance was picking me up and we were driving to Lincoln. This in all took another twenty four hours. I was tired after the very long journey and at the same time ecstatic to meet Montu after five weeks (a major part of which I had spent worrying about her well-being). She was healthy and happy to meet me and I was happy to just be at home and sleep, sleep and sleep…

So when after 3 days of not doing anything I started to unpack, I could not find my camera anywhere. I searched each and every of my baggage, tossed every piece of clothing, ransacked my entire room frantically. But I could not find it anywhere. Then I started tracing every move since I started packing my bags and where I put my cam till I came to Lincoln. And there was never a point when I had interacted with the camera after I had safely tucked it in inside one of the side pockets of my backpack. I asked if I had left it at home and my parents searched everywhere and couldn’t find it. And till I came to Mumbai I had the backpack with me. So I lost it sometime on the transit between Mumbai to Chicago. I was pretty much wide awake all the way from Chicago to Lincoln and there’s no way someone could have stolen it from me.

After I learnt about my losses I tried futilely to reach the Lost & Found number that the ground crew at Lufthansa counter in the Chicago airport had given to me. But two days passed and no one picked up the call. So finally I decided to write an email to the Lufthansa people. I received a prompt reply informing me it was already seven days and according to their policy they couldn’t do anything about it. It was the eighth day! I hated my life!!

I wanted a camera badly, but decided this time I won’t settle for a point and shoot one. Instead I wanted to buy one of those Canon SLRs I had always dreamed about owning.  I researched a lot  and found out that I could only afford something like a Canon Rebel T3. Though it is a good camera according to all the reviews, I have used it before and did not like the controls quite as much. So I decided I’ll save up for something I really want and not buy something just out of need and affordability. So I decided I will wait for around three months and save enough and in the mean time use my iPhone profusely to take photos (lately, I had been using that a lot).

However, another bad thing happened soon. I went shopping at a local mall and was waiting for someone to pick me up from there. It was the third of July and I was standing in the parking lot. There were lots of fireworks in the sky and I was ecstatic. I decided this moment and my feelings need to be captured, and I started recording a voice memo! Just as I had finished recording it, a passerby collided with me and my iPhone shot forward face down on the concrete. I had dropped my iPhone like a million times before and nothing had ever happened to it. So I was not really worried when it fell down. But I was devastated when I picked it up. Here, have a look!

The screen had shattered into pieces and glass was falling off it. I was so taken aback that I did not what to tell the person. I just stood there smiling foolishly. I was leaving on a trip to St. Louis, MO the next day and I did not know if I wanted to go there anymore (I did).  I contact Apple and they told me I did not have insurance on it and the warranty does not cover accidental damage. They would charge me a whopping $200 to get it fixed. I had got my phone on contract for $199 only. And I still had the contract for another year. I was in soup.

I searched on internet and decided to fix it myself. But it was a cumbersome process and I never knew which parts to order online. And I assumed it will be very time consuming. Also apart from the broken screen the iPhone was working perfectly normally. yes, there were bruises on my fingers from excessive texting and from the occasional doodling. Also there was a scratch right on the lens of the front camera so the front cam snaps were as bad as it could possibly get – there was always an over exposed corner or a white light streak on the snaps. So I kept procrastinating it – for almost 5 months – when it became clear to me that I was never going to do it.

I caved and found a place who would do it for much cheap (read $86) albeit using cheaper replacement parts. But I read about it online and heard that the performance would not be bad in any way and so I decided to give it a try. So finally after exactly 5 months 1 day on 4 December 2013 I got my cracked screen fixed. can you believe its the same day when I got my drivers license in the states (2 years 6 months and 7 days after I had landed here). Am I not the master procrastinator?!

I am yet to get the camera. I have not saved enough (I don’t know where my stipend goes! But I’m a graduate student, so mostly on rent and food and shopping 😛 ) And I have no clue when I am getting that (blame it on an addiction of travelling – I’m going to NYC on 23 Dec).

When I started this blog I really wanted to write and express myself. But when I write I don’t write fiction, nor non-fiction. I discovered I really liked to write about my experiences. And then there was a phase when I saw that people I knew where reading my blogs and that made me shy. I could not decide if I wanted people I know or meet in my regular life to read about my life in detail or not. So I went back to writing journals privately and this blog became more of a photography blog with a Point and Shoot camera (i.e., not good quality photos). In the time when I did not have my camera and my iPhone I was going through a very tough phase in my personal life. And I could not find so much inspiration to blog here, because I wanted to maintain a certain standard. So I was using my Instagram profusely. And lets face it , instagram is so – instant!

But during this phase I found out that writing is so therapeutic for me. For one if I’m not writing I’m not really thinking clearly about the things happening in my life. Instead I was picking up and instant and brooding about that. And that was so counter-intuitive. As a result I was doing things that I would not have done if I had thought about it clearly. Also I really felt the need to talk to people and I did. But then how many times can you repetitively nag about something to the same people. So writing was the best option. I wrote journals and I wrote a lot on paper with a pen/pencil,  doodled a lot. But I felt that I also wanted to share my thoughts. And I decided to blog about my feelings. I was unsure if I wanted to publish here or start a new blog and after a lot of thought decide that lets justify this blogs name!

So you might see a lot of stuff on this blog that you haven’t seen here before. A lot of articles on things that may seem very personal to you. But as I had already claimed when I started this blog, I am going to be undauntedly unapologetic about them. It’s my blog and I will express what I want to. I never intended this to be a very popular blog with millions of reader, nor did I start it with the hope of winning accolades from everyone. And I’ve to admit that I’ve been super irregular here. So I want to wish a very heartfelt thank you to every old subscriber who comes back to read this blog, every new reader who comes here, everyone who subscribes to my blog and everyone who has stuck with me and read this super long and misleading blog. Thank you so much and love you. 🙂


  1. For those who don’t know, Montu is my pet Golden Syrian hamster.
  2. Kolkata or Calcutta is a big metropolitan city on the east of India. It is my hometown, where I was born and brought up.



This photo was taken with my iPhone in the corridor of a very small, very basic hotel that we stayed in on our visit to the Lachung valley in northern Sikkim, India. Though very quait and a far cry from luxurious, the staff were very friendly and amazing. I hope I can go back to this place again.